Have you never heard of a Death Practitioner?
I had an old school friend called Emma who wanted to be a birth doula around 2006. That was the first time I really heard about the concept of having someone of your personal choosing guide you through the process of carrying, birthing and nurturing your baby. Around ten years later, another friend was training as a midwife but found the profession of which she aspired to enter to be heavily laden with direct and indirect discrimination. When she decided to become a birth doula neither of us were surprised to find that her clientele was white and wealthy.
It was around this time that I began to seek out the options for End of Life care and reasoned that there must be room for a death doula. I had lost my aunt to cancer and I had spent time with her as she made her transition in the latter stages and felt I had found my calling. Indeed there was a small band of death doula’s, or as some would say death midwives. Again though, this was a very middle class set up that relied on a wealth wielding clientele who was able to command a unique type of personal care. I am therefore a Death Practitioner and DIPism, means Death in Practice.
For the working class we have the NHS and private companies that provide carers. Their role is not to help the family to cope with the emotional, social or practical demands that come with the impending loss of a family member. Their role is to ensure medication is administered and their client is clean and comfortable. During my time as a carer I found there was no time to sit and talk to the client about their thoughts and feelings, to reminisce about their lives and contemplate what might await them on the ‘other side’. There was barely time to wash and dress, feed and medicate before I had to rush off to the next waiting soul.
Yes, the government offers respite care provided often by underpaid people and yes, there are organisations that rely on volunteers who can help lighten the load. There are also means tested waiting lists and impractical time-slots that do not work with those who might just need it most.
Regardless of birth or death, so many people who could benefit from personal support are unaware of the services available to them. It’s not about race, it’s about class.
With most British institutions, whether it be concerning education, care, banking or shopping – money talks!